Expectations - The Birthplace of Disappointment

I think it was Wayne Dyer who said, “Expect nothing and accept everything.”

Easier said than done, I expect.

We all have expectations around all kinds of things, particularly people and their behaviour. Problems arise because two people often have completely different expectations around the same situation and most likely no one thought to articulate them in any way. For example, on any given Saturday I may wake up excitedly thinking about how much we, as a family, can get done around the house and my kids may wake up excited to “chill”. This is likely going to end up being a very frustrating and disappointing day all around. I will be frustrated because no one wants to help and the kids are going to be grumpy because they wanted to relax and are instead being enslaved in a household chore ring of hitherto unheard of child labour involving cleaning rooms and vacuuming.

How do we circumvent this misalignment of expectations? Maybe just a little forethought. Mom gives the kids a heads up the night before or even days before. “I'd like to get the house cleaned on Saturday (because we have x, y, z on Sunday) and I need your help. Once the chores are done, the day is yours. Tell me what you would like to do with the rest of your day?” Expectations are clearly communicated, everyone feels valued, seen and heard and we skip off into the weekend holding hands and singing Kumbaya. Or something like that.

Expectations between romantic partners can be a little more subtle and tricky to navigate. Sometimes we don’t even realize we have expectations around a situation until we are knee deep in it. Let’s take dating for example. You match up on Bumble. You both have “looking for a long term relationship” on your profile. Looks like you are off to a great start. Except one of you is expecting to take things slow and spend some time getting to know one another and the other person is ready to just dive right in and you meet at the car after the second date, one leans in for a kiss and the other tries to escape the embrace like David Copperfield in a pair of handcuffs and now you are left with an awkward goodnight and the tire squeal of humiliation. Date OVER. Single for another day.

Seems like an easy enough fix. Be aware of your expectations and articulate them. No one actually knows what you are thinking and subtle hints are sure fire ways to make someone fail. People cannot read your mind. Pinky, are you thinking what I am thinking? No. He literally never was. Brain was trying to take over the world and Pinky just wanted to have a good time. I mean Brain was lucky that Pinky just wanted to be helpful and never had any expectations of his own. Brain, on the other hand, had tremendous expectations everyday and was constantly disappointed and frustrated.

So much we can learn from these lab mice and their highly underrated 90s cartoons. Talk about tenacity, perseverance and determination. Brain failed hundreds of times on his quest for world domination but I like to believe that even though they stopped making the show, eventually he succeeded and that in some cartoon universe there's a world dominated by a brilliant, genetically altered mouse and his spunky sidekick.

Wandering back to my point, we should have the fortitude of Brain, the fierce determination and no quit attitude, but leave the disappointing expectations at the door and face the day with the unflappable glee of Pinky. Absolutely have goals, dreams and aspirations but do not chain them down with your timelines and expected outcomes. Fall in love with the process. Keep your heart and mind open to the possibilities. Show up, get to work and have faith that everything will happen as it should. Don’t weigh your dreams down with expectations. It’s a sure fire way to lose your passion and purpose, become frustrated and give up.

As for relationships. Be clear. Be willing to hear the other person’s expectations and be respectful of them. If they expect to eat ice cream at the end of every date and you are lactose intolerant, this is likely not a good match, move on. But, if you are willing to go for ice cream once a month and they are good with that, then scoop on my friend. Everyone is on the same page. Speak up. Express your needs and listen to theirs. This is how we avoid disappointment and awkward parking lot goodbyes. Articulate your needs and boundaries (if you don’t know what those are - best spend some time figuring that shit out).

Put down your expectations and open yourself up to the possibilities. Accept what is and act from a place of joy.

Pinky, are you expecting what I’m expecting?

Narf!