Obstacles or Opportunity

Problems are like a^holes. Everyone’s got them. Some are big, some are small. Pear shaped, apple shaped, peaches - whatever. No one is exempt. I don’t care who you are or what you do, life is going to throw some shade at you. You solve one and another crops up just around the corner. It’s inevitable, like death and taxes. 

Now, you’re thinking - wait this doesn’t sound like my usual plucky, “you can do it” motivational mojo, but hear me out. 

Problems are going to come. Life is full of obstacles, but they are only “problems” if we choose to view them as such. If we shift the lens and see them as obstacles that need to be overcome, a puzzle that needs to be solved, a curveball that needs to be hit, we open ourselves up to OPPORTUNITY. Opportunity to grow, to level up, to overcome, to persevere, to conquer. 

Focus on the problem and that is where you will stay. Wallowing in self pity and despair. Angry and frustrated. Trapped in a prison of your own creation. Blaming the world and complaining about the unfairness of life. This might feel good at the moment but it’s not going to get you anywhere. 

Focus on finding a solution and that is your roadmap to freedom. The birthplace of ingenuity and inspiration. Every invention, innovation, and revolution was someone’s answer to a problem. Someone’s decision to demand something better, to find a way out of whatever shitstorm life threw at them. Without a problem to solve we would not have running water, electricity or the iPhone. Marie Antoinette would have kept eating cake and we would all be greeting each other with Heil Hitler instead of hello. 

Nothing great ever happened and no problem was ever solved with complaining, avoiding, stressing or freaking the eff out. Quite the opposite in fact. 

Complaining is a drag to everyone around you. 

Ignoring the issue generally results in something blowing up in your face. 

Stressing and freaking out only serves to compound your issues. Nothing ever gets solved from insomnia induced inspiration. Literally no good ideas manifest that way. Think about every movie you have ever seen when someone has stayed up all night trying to solve a problem. Do they look sane? Would you trust them to make any decisions for you in that state? That’s a hell no from this chick. Anxiety is the definition of focusing on the problem to the exclusion of all else. You have spiraled so far down the rabbit hole of terrifying what ifs with no end in sight. It is literally your subconscious alarm system going off and no one knows how to disarm it. It is really difficult to think clearly with sirens going off inside your head. 

You have to find your calm. You need to have faith that a solution is on its way. Breathe. Be creative. Resourceful. Think outside the box. Throw out the box and use a funky reusable bag instead. Don’t accept no for an answer. Be resilient. Find a way. I am a firm believer in where there is a will, there is a way. There is always a way if you are willing to dig a little deeper. And if you TRULY believe that there is a way and have FAITH that you will figure it out then anxiety disappears. Faith and anxiety simply cannot coexist. The truth is, you may not enjoy the answer to your problem. You may have to face some demons and slay some dragons - but, my friend, the answer is out there waiting for you to be brave and calm enough to find it.

The hero that rises to the occasion and against all odds comes out on top, the hero that doesn’t give up, those are the stories that inspire us. There is absolutely nothing more empowering than doing something you didn’t think you could. And when you do, you can look back on that obstacle with gratitude for the opportunity it gave you. Thank it for all the ways it changed your life for the better. 

How you view life’s obstacles will determine the course of your life. If you let them beat you down, down is where you will stay. If you use them to propel you forward, well… that is where the magic happens. 

So next time life throws you a curveball, don’t just stand there and strike out looking, swearing at the pitcher. Square up and take a swing. One of those swings is going to connect and it could be the homerun you are looking for. If you are going to go down, go down swinging. The opportunity is only there if you swing the bat.

Yo-Yo

I’ve been dancing between two fires most of my life. Fear and Desire. The double edge sword. It is totally possible and probable to simultaneously want something and also fear it. My Desire pushes me forward boldly - to a point -  and then Fear jumps at me from out of the darkness and sends me screaming back to where I started from. 

The most classic example of this is my Yo-Yo weight journey. I am always hella motivated to workout and eat healthy food. My mom was a fitness instructor. I could step kick and cha cha to John Cougar Mellencamp at four years old. Jumping jacks and pelvic tilt? Hell yeah! Fit and strong? Absolutely. Satisfied with my appearance? Never. I was in a constant state of “losing weight.” I would creep toward my goal, almost attain it and then trip at the finish line and head right back to the start. Never achieving my goal. Never satisfied with my results. 

We could delve deep into the psychology of why. There is a lot at play here for sure, a lot to unpack on my therapist’s couch, but ultimately, it’s that classic fear of success that kept me from reaching that goal. Who would I be if I achieved that perfect body I craved? How would people treat me differently? What would I do with all the time and energy I usually spent hating my body and really, myself, for not conforming? For not being perfect? How would my life change? Fear had a lot of questions I didn’t have the answers for and ultimately, Fear believed I would no longer be safe if I changed in this way. Too many unknowns. Too many variables. Better to not ever achieve it. 

You’d think I would have just given up. But no. Like Jerry Seinfeld in the Bee Movie, I just kept flying into that window, thinking “this time, this time”. I was hell bent and determined to get that perfect body. So I’d squat and run, lift and crunch and diet until my goal was so close I could taste it and then… I’d stop. Let life get in the way. Binge eat for a few days. Injure myself. And then hate myself and start over. I was stuck in a loop.  

It wasn’t until I started changing the way I viewed my body, that I was able to escape this seesaw existence. I spent a lot of energy learning to respect, nourish and love my body. The realization that my body was not a conduit for other people's pleasure, but for my own slapped me upside the head something hard. Having lived my entire life trying to be the object of other people's desire had completely cut me off from my own. I started listening to my body, appreciating it and giving it what it needed. Learning what felt good to me, looked good to me and honouring that with the choices I made and ignoring all the BS Fear was feeding me allowed me to let that seesaw drop and I walked away from that yo-yo lifestyle. 

Ok, well, not completely. Like everything else in life, it is a practice. I am better, but not perfect. The main difference being my awareness and understanding of why I do things, what my unhelpful beliefs about myself are and what I am afraid of and how that manifests in my life. This is particularly helpful when those nasty voices in my head creep up and whisper mean girl taunts to my subconscious that sabotage my peace and stunt my progress. At least now I can see them for what they are and “hopefully” make a better choice. Or at the very least, a conscious one, call Fear out for the bully that it is and reassure it that everything is going to be ok. My desires and goals are safe and I can handle whatever consequences arise from achieving them. 

At the end of the day, Fear is just a helicopter mom trying to protect me from myself and the big bad world. Her tactics are a little bit harsh, but I see the underlying intention. With this knowledge, I can lovingly reassure her that I know what I am doing and carry on my merry way toward my desires. I take the wheel while she pouts in the backseat. She’s never far away, but at least she isn’t driving anymore. Every once in a while she will poke her head up with some unhelpful advice, but there are no backseat drivers allowed on this journey. 

Count some cars or have a nap, I have places to go and things to do.   

Revolutions

New Year. New me. 

When my oldest son was little he used to call them New Year's Revolutions. Change approved. Screw resolutions. Imma have a revolution. Burn the old regime to the ground. Even back then, my soul knew what was up, even if I didn’t. If my life was a novel, you would call this foreshadowing. 

Resolution. To resolve. To solve a problem. It feels so heavy. There is something wrong and I must force myself to solve it using sheer will and determination. I resolve to be better, do better. I am unworthy the way I am. I must change. This feels just a little toxic.

Revolution on the other hand is exciting, dangerous, irreversible. Burn it to the ground and rebuild it the way you want it to be. A bit dramatic but definitely effective. Revolutions are inspiring, if you look past all the beheading and treason. Oppressed people have had enough and are forced to fight for change. There is no motivation quite like being out of options. It’s easier to change when the alternative is you die. 

I like revolutions because if you truly want change, you have to revolutionize the way you do EVERYTHING. If you want different, you have to be different. You can’t keep doing the same things and expect different results. 

During my revolution, there were many situations where the bridge had been burned and I had no choice but to press forward. I couldn’t go back, so I gathered my courage and stepped into the unknown and created a new path. 

Change doesn’t have to be so dramatic. You don’t have to burn EVERYTHING, but you do have to burn some things if you want that change to stick. Make the change irreversible if you want it to last. Set your boundaries and build a fortress around them with a dragon guarded moat. Don’t open that drawbridge for anyone, not even that peddler with a cart full of wine and flashy jewels. 

Make your boundaries realistic for your life. Let’s say you want to drink “less” in the new year. Well, you need to be specific about that. If you pledge to never drink again… well except for Belinda’s birthday and maybe Cousin Carol’s wedding and like, maybe on a first date, you’ve already failed. That peddler has drugged your dragon and is inside the walls hawking his wares to the peasants, everyone is broke and you’re in jail for nonpayment of taxes. You may as well have not bothered building any walls. They are full of holes. Your fortress is just a screen door. You need to get clear about what you want your life to look like and what is important to you before you can create lasting change. You need to know what it is you are protecting before you can determine how to protect it. 

A while back I made some pretty dramatic changes to my eating. While I was on the program, I had a fortress set up. I felt amazing. I had more energy than I had in years and my digestive health was the best it had ever been. Once the program ended and I had to create my own boundaries, things went a little bit sideways as I tried to balance my boundaries against the social life I thought I wanted. I struggled a bit while I tried to figure out what was the most important to me and how to maintain my healthy lifestyle while still maintaining my relationships. Eventually, I  figured out, if I wanted that lasting change, I needed to maintain those boundaries. I realized that the people in my life would probably love me even if I didn’t split a plate of nachos with them. Let’s face it, going out for dinner is more about the conversation than the food anyway. I could BE in the moment, enjoy my friends and still maintain my healthy lifestyle. I could have it all. Are there still challenges? Of course, but I decided that I preferred the energy I felt, my healthy digestive system and my glowing skin to the momentary indulgence and inconvenience. And so I stand, rooted firmly in my new food revolution, remembering all I have gained. 

What in your life are you ready to revolutionize? Burn that bridge and don’t look back!

Rolling into 2024 with intention and conviction! May it be your best year yet!