Burning Down Burn Out

I am a single mom. Sounds glamorous, I know, but it is not all champagne and caviar. Seriously, it can be exhausting and at times it is overwhelming to be the only “adult” and be solely responsible for everyone and everything. It is also pretty damn empowering. I am woman! I can do this!! But “I got this” can very easily turn into a war cry of “I don’t need any help” which slides effortlessly and unconsciously into manic trying and struggling to get it all done, be everywhere and do everything on my own. The belief being that if I let even one ball drop, the entire house of cards comes crashing down. This has led me down the path to burn out. Usually, the first ball to drop is self-care. All my practices start falling away one by one and my light starts to go out, my energy fades and I am left depleted, frustrated and bone weary. I am pissed off at myself but too tired to care.

I realize that my ass busting tendencies may have received accolades from previous generations but are not the example I am trying to set. I want to be empowered, but I also want to be intuitive. I want to be guided by my heart, not by my to-do list. Be inspired and inspiring. Be productive but not from a place of struggle but in a way that creates freedom, not restricts it. I do not want to be governed by my Mom Calendar, but to lead my family from a heart centered and grounded place. Sometimes I need a reminder to come back to earth, sift through priorities and find a path forward for me and all my young men that fills all of us with joy and purpose instead of being sucked up into the whirlwind of kid sports, music lessons and appointments. Does this mean drop everything and run? Of course not. Just learn to listen. Learn to lead, not react. A captain does not steer the ship day and night, swab the deck, make all the meals, and hoist the sales by herself. She has a crew to do that. She sets the pace, she navigates, determines the destination. So, I remember to delegate. Car pool becomes my new best friend. I find my daily practices and dust them off. One by one I fold them back into my life. I say no. I set boundaries and I relax. I exhale that breath that has been squeezing my chest for weeks and I let go. I remember that I am the leader of my small crew, and they are watching me, learning from my example.

Leaders teach and delegate. I teach my crew to cook, to clean, to take on responsibilities. Take things off my plate so I have more time for them, for me and for fun. Teach them so they have life skills, so they are good partners and roommates. Kids that can do things on their own are confident and empowered. Leaders set a good example.

So, I will put down all the stress I have been carrying and find ease and joy. I set the intention and focus on freedom. I allow myself the space to rest. To breathe. I take one hand off the wheel and slowly find myself again. Basketball practices still happen, someone still needs to go to the dentist, homework happens every day, but I choose to not be a slave to it. I change my tune. I am grateful for the opportunities afforded to my kids. I am thankful for health care and benefits that help my family heal in all ways. I am grateful for a job that allows me to pay for all of it. I am grateful for Skip the Dishes and frozen pizza. I am grateful for kids that are good humans. I am grateful to know myself and what I need. I am grateful for the experiences that have made me who I am and taught me how to be a leader.

I will practice letting others help me. I will practice awareness. I will learn the warning signs of overwhelm. The reaching for a sugary treat. The constriction in my chest. The clenching of my jaw. The feeling of anxiety when I look at my calendar.

Slow down. Relax. Breathe. Let go.

Everything will get done that needs to get done and the rest never really mattered anyway.

Rest today so you can burn through your to do list tomorrow.

Have a nap and a snack and go get ‘em tomorrow.