Burning Down Burn Out

I am a single mom. Sounds glamorous, I know, but it is not all champagne and caviar. Seriously, it can be exhausting and at times it is overwhelming to be the only “adult” and be solely responsible for everyone and everything. It is also pretty damn empowering. I am woman! I can do this!! But “I got this” can very easily turn into a war cry of “I don’t need any help” which slides effortlessly and unconsciously into manic trying and struggling to get it all done, be everywhere and do everything on my own. The belief being that if I let even one ball drop, the entire house of cards comes crashing down. This has led me down the path to burn out. Usually, the first ball to drop is self-care. All my practices start falling away one by one and my light starts to go out, my energy fades and I am left depleted, frustrated and bone weary. I am pissed off at myself but too tired to care.

I realize that my ass busting tendencies may have received accolades from previous generations but are not the example I am trying to set. I want to be empowered, but I also want to be intuitive. I want to be guided by my heart, not by my to-do list. Be inspired and inspiring. Be productive but not from a place of struggle but in a way that creates freedom, not restricts it. I do not want to be governed by my Mom Calendar, but to lead my family from a heart centered and grounded place. Sometimes I need a reminder to come back to earth, sift through priorities and find a path forward for me and all my young men that fills all of us with joy and purpose instead of being sucked up into the whirlwind of kid sports, music lessons and appointments. Does this mean drop everything and run? Of course not. Just learn to listen. Learn to lead, not react. A captain does not steer the ship day and night, swab the deck, make all the meals, and hoist the sales by herself. She has a crew to do that. She sets the pace, she navigates, determines the destination. So, I remember to delegate. Car pool becomes my new best friend. I find my daily practices and dust them off. One by one I fold them back into my life. I say no. I set boundaries and I relax. I exhale that breath that has been squeezing my chest for weeks and I let go. I remember that I am the leader of my small crew, and they are watching me, learning from my example.

Leaders teach and delegate. I teach my crew to cook, to clean, to take on responsibilities. Take things off my plate so I have more time for them, for me and for fun. Teach them so they have life skills, so they are good partners and roommates. Kids that can do things on their own are confident and empowered. Leaders set a good example.

So, I will put down all the stress I have been carrying and find ease and joy. I set the intention and focus on freedom. I allow myself the space to rest. To breathe. I take one hand off the wheel and slowly find myself again. Basketball practices still happen, someone still needs to go to the dentist, homework happens every day, but I choose to not be a slave to it. I change my tune. I am grateful for the opportunities afforded to my kids. I am thankful for health care and benefits that help my family heal in all ways. I am grateful for a job that allows me to pay for all of it. I am grateful for Skip the Dishes and frozen pizza. I am grateful for kids that are good humans. I am grateful to know myself and what I need. I am grateful for the experiences that have made me who I am and taught me how to be a leader.

I will practice letting others help me. I will practice awareness. I will learn the warning signs of overwhelm. The reaching for a sugary treat. The constriction in my chest. The clenching of my jaw. The feeling of anxiety when I look at my calendar.

Slow down. Relax. Breathe. Let go.

Everything will get done that needs to get done and the rest never really mattered anyway.

Rest today so you can burn through your to do list tomorrow.

Have a nap and a snack and go get ‘em tomorrow.

Stories

Once upon a time there was a girl with a million different excuses as to why she couldn’t do the thing, a thousand reasons she couldn’t have the thing and a hundred obstacles stacked against her. She stayed stuck where she was forever and ever. The end.

That’s a craptastic story.

No one is buying that book but everyone is writing it.

We all have these stories we tell ourselves. You know the ones. The ones that keep you stuck right where you don’t want to be. I’m too busy to workout. I love food too much to change my eating habits. It’s genetic. I’m too old to start something new. I don’t know where to start. I’ll never meet someone. Online dating sucks. I can’t get ahead. I’m just bad with money.

All of these things may very well have some truth to them but truth is very much about perspective. Two people can have the same problem and hold completely opposite beliefs about it. It is what you choose to believe about yourself and the obstacle that matters. If you choose to believe that nothing can be done, then nothing can be done. BUT if you choose to believe that if there is a will there's a way, you WILL find a way. It really comes down to how much you want something. If you want it badly enough, you will make it happen.

You can either be the hero or the victim.

A victim says, “whoa is me, there is nothing I can do. Sigh, I’d love to have a six pack BUT I’m just not built that way. I have all of these organs and fatty tissue in the way. It’s genetic. Nothing can be done.” A hero says, “Imma gonna go get me a six pack. I know there is a genetic disposition for obesity in my family, BUT I am going to do some research and hire a trainer and figure this sh*t out. And I’m going to keep trying until I make it happen.” Victim. Hero. It is a decision.

Sometimes these stories are running in the background, like an undetected virus. We don’t even know we are holding these beliefs. They sabotage our best laid plans. Just when we are about to launch a new program, an Ad Block pops up and crashes the whole system and we are left standing there wondering what the hell happened. I thought I fixed that issue? Some of these beliefs are stubborn AF. You unplug one and it literally finds a different outlet and shines its light somewhere else. You have to keep unplugging them, or just blow up the whole system. If you are AWARE of them, you can keep defeating them. You just need to pay attention to what is blocking you and listen to the story you are telling.

I have some sneaky stories that pop up when I am not paying attention. Some hardwired programming that surfaces at the most inconvenient times and blocks my desires. I have to change those stories immediately. Like a Whack-a-mole game for unhelpful beliefs. “Men can’t be trusted”. Whack. “I can’t afford it”. Whack. “I’m fat” Whack. Or one of the most persistent ones, “I’m tired”. Whack. Whack. That one pops up a lot. I don’t even see it coming. I’ll just find myself saying it under my breath sometimes and I’m not even that tired. Now, I am a working single mom, so, yes, I do a lot and there are times when I am pretty drained, BUT how on earth do I expect to have more energy if I’m literally telling the never ending story of my exhaustion? This will not do. So, I have to consciously unprogram that belief. Start telling myself a different story. Congratulate myself when I feel energized. Be grateful for renewed energy. Change the channel and tell a different story.

Sometimes life throws some mighty big obstacles in our path. The task before us may feel almost impossible. It would be a helluva lot easier to just say “I can’t” and do nothing. What it all comes down to is how badly we want whatever is on the other side of that mountain. The hot body, the successful business, the dream house, fantastic health, financial security, it is all achievable if we get out of our own way. Stop buying into the victim’s story and unleash the inner hero in all of us. Debunk all of the myths we are telling ourselves about it and find a way. Over, under, around or through. Everything is doable if we allow ourselves to believe it.

When you let the obstacles win, you become a victim. When you do it anyway, you’re a hero.

Be a hero!

You can do it if you simply believe you can.

Change your story. Change your life.

What's your story?

Gratitude

Let’s talk for a minute about how gratitude changed my life.

When I started to see my life through the lens of what I did have rather than what I did not, massive shifts started to happen.

As I stood amongst the wreckage of my marriage and the life I thought I was building for 20 years, it would have been really easy to dwell on all that I had lost and was in the process of losing. My husband, my house, my car, the family I had called mine for 2 decades. Everything was slowly stripping away, right down to the possessions I had to sell to pay legal fees and the mortgage. What was left with was only EVERYTHING that actually mattered. My kids. Myself. My authentic, brave warrior self. My family and friends who truly loved me and had my back. My dreams and goals. My power. My spirit. Courage and faith. The things that no one could take away.

The journey back to myself was hard. I did things I never thought I could do. I faced fears I didn’t even know I had. The tearing down of the old life was excruciating. The rebuilding of a new life, terrifying. But I kept going. I KNEW I could not stay where I was any longer, so I CHOSE to push myself forward, into the unknown, with an unwavering faith that something better was on the other side. It had to be.

When I finally got to the top of that mountain and planted the flag of victory into my new life, I was overwhelmed with emotion. I was filled with such immense gratitude as only someone who has lost can truly understand. The kind of gratitude that spills out of the corners of your eyes and streams down your face. Gratitude for my people. Gratitude for my boys and how fiercely they weathered the storm. Gratitude for myself and the courage and strength I had cultivated. Gratitude for the new home and life I had created. Gratitude that reverberated through my entire being and altered how I existed in the world.

It was through this lens of having lost so much that I was truly able to appreciate what I did have, and by appreciating those things, I was able to attract more to be grateful for. It was through a recipe of faith, courage and gratitude that my desires began to materialize at lightning speed. The perfect house, the exact amount of money I needed to pay a debt, free trips to tropical places, the list went on and on like I was a mother effing sorcerer. Any time there was something I wanted, it would magically appear. It was only when the intensity of my gratitude would wear off that my manifestations would slow down.

And here is the rub, it wasn’t just appreciating what I had that made the difference, it was actually being grateful for losing everything. I am grateful for the whole effing ordeal. I am grateful for the heartbreak. I am grateful for the hardships. I am grateful for every lesson I learned along the way. I am grateful for the opportunity to become stronger, to find my power and my voice and to uncover the badass version of myself that stands here today. I am grateful for the whole traumatic, heart crushing experience.

So yeah. Gratitude. Gratitude journaling is a great way to stay connected to a deeper appreciation for your life. It can definitely shift your perspective when you are having a crappy day to appreciate a sunset or perfectly steamed latte, but when you can truly be grateful for the the sh*tstorms of life, when you can pause and take stock of the things and people in your life that truly matter and understand what your world would be like without them in it, that is next level gratitude. Not just words, but the gut wrenching emotions that come from losing and then finding it all. That is literally the gratitude that dreams are made of.

It is my sincere hope that you do not have to lose it all to truly appreciate what you have. That you can put yourself in someone else’s shoes and find that level of gratitude within yourself to make whatever shifts you are craving in your life, so that you too can be a mother effing sorcerer and create all that you desire.

To all you warriors out there today, I salute you!

Hold on. Keep going. Have faith. Be brave. Count your blessings.

Great things are coming for you.